Ian's Pissed Off Page

Fucking dumb ass American dipshits with a blinkered World view and delusions of godhood about how fucking great they are. We all know that they are dumb, fat and arrogant. You got what was coming to you on 9/11 and if you don't wake up it will keep happening to you. Also the UK won WW2- you came in 2 years too late and whats worse collaborated with those Nazi fuckers right until you joined in.

You know what pisses me off- people who post crappy comments about what pisses them off on someone elses website- How fucking lame is that?

Yeah, what are they all about then ? I'll tell you - fucking Volvos. Fucking Volvos and their analy retentive pimp-ass Volvo drivers. Who the fuck wants a car that always has its sidelights on ? Jeezuz, its the middle of a summers day " do you think I need my lights on darling ? ". Oh look at my Volvo, hey everybody look at me, I'm so cool in my Volvo, I don't even have a choice of switching my sidelights on and off because I'm such a twat I can't use them anyway - just like my indicators. Its not gonna help you find it on a dark carpark is it - they dont come on until the ignitions on asshole.

I once had a job as a car salesman at a "name" dealership and one Sunday afternoon this middle-aged " I live in a converted barn in a slightly out of town rural suburb " motherfucker arrives with his F reg Volvo estate.( Hey mister your sidelights are on - its 1.30 in the afternoon ). So this cunt wants a value on it as a part-x. So I have to appraise his car and that means driving the thing. So it takes me 15 minutes to turn the bastard thing round and get it off the carpark because the tight twat didn't pay for power steering when he bought it. Its got an ass even bigger than his mouth full of plums wife and is twice as heavy. Anyway I'm driving this car round to make sure the bastard things not fucked and this old cunts harping on and on and on in my ear about " the fantastic sidelight safety feature .. ". I'm thinking like I give a shit, like I'm gonna give you the 5 grand you think this peice of shit is worth because the fucking sidelights are on all the time and you percieve that as a feature ? And then he starts going on about the seatbelt warning lamp on the dash .. " oh what a wonderful idea - it lights up if you havent got your seatbelt on fwah fwah fwah ... ". Like your gonna die in a car with bumpers this big if you aint got your seatbelt on. Shut up ! Shut up ! Shut the fuck up I dont give a shit about your heated seats, or sidelights, or your daughters wedding, or your barn, or your new paved driveway just shut the fuck up ! At this point I just lost it - crashed the car into a stone wall and walked the 2 miles back to the dealership to resign. Fucking sidelights ... you bastards !

Motherfuckers, configuring ppp over ethernet on friends machine - various scripts later, blah dey blah - (hours later) I find out that I need a server tag??? or something like that (it was a while ago) - ring up ISP they havent got a clue and so sorry but we dont support unix or any GNU type O/S

What a crock of shit!!!! Absolute fucking wank!!!!

Guess I should have rang them first!

Never assume it makes an ASS out of U and ME

What pisses me off most is the fuckin' morons that take their mobile phones into the office and leave them twittering and chirping away all day while they're off in a meeting. Makes me want to take a fucking sledgehammer to the bastard things!

A long list:

1. Them and everything they own smells like moth balls.
2. They always want you to kiss them. Totally disgusting! And they even lick their lips before they do it too!!! UGH! Is there anything more gross in the world???
3. They only know 2 speeds while driving... Slow and Very Slow. And who says that once you pass 60 that you no longer have to use a turn signal? Do they think that this is yet another perk of getting old? Speaking of which...
4. They get discounts and privileges just for being old... It's like going around to all the old folks and saying "Congratulations, you aren't dead yet. Have a free sandwich." or "Here's some coffee just because your old ass woke up and got to see another day." Who the hell do they think they are? Do they think they are special just because they weren't struck down by lightning in their 30's? ....damn them, I want my discount too.
5. They think they know everything... and I mean EVERYTHING. They know what you should do with your life, who you should marry, how you should raise your children, where you should live, what kind of car you should drive, etc. And they have no problems telling you what they think about the way you are running things in your own life- like it's any business of theirs. Then they get offended when you tell them to can it, like they had the right the whole time to tell you what to do... Idiots.
6. Home-made cold remedies and elixers... need I say more?
7. 95% of the old people in the world own really nice furniture and have ruined it by puting plastic over it. Now what do you have? Very nice, otherwise comfortable old furniture that now sticks to your ass. What's the friggin' point?
8. Old people T.V. shows. You know what I'm talking about! Those shows that are geared just toward old people and take decent air time away from some much cooler shows. Matlock, Jeopardy, Wheel of Fortune, Mc Gyver... the list goes on and on.
9. How old people can hold on to some things like figurines or trinkets for 30 or more years and try to re-live their past through these things. It's just creepy. They hold on to these things and remember every little detail about who gave it to them and for what occasion. Are they that afraid of moving on in their lives? Do they think they have no lives to move forward into? Hmmm...
10. Having to hear all their old-people stories, then having to pretend that you are actually interested in what they have to say. (Included in this is having to hear about all their ailments... past, present, and future. You can never hear an old-person story without there being some sort of injury.) It sounds something like this...
    "I remember back in 1906 (past) when I fell off my bicycle and got this scar on my knee while I was going to Jimmy Stewart's house to play football and we (*snore*) would have beat the Thomson brothers if little Bobby Thompson wouldn't have cheated and said they had an extra point when me an' Jimmy knew they didn't but that was nothing compared to the one I got in the war when I was in the 53rd infantry in the U.S. Navy and got this scar above my eye from (*snore*) the butt of some Jap's rifle... boy that was a kicker- had me in the M*A*S*H* for 3 days, but you know me, I got up and I went back out there into the frey and it still (present) makes me black out every once in a while and I have(*snore*) 5 bottles of pills I have to take every day just to keep all my blackouts under controll... boy I just don't know... I guess it doesn't matter much because I'm not going to (future) live for much longer seeing as how I'm so beat up from all the times that me and Jimmy Stewart (go back and repeat process several l times)......

We need cords... really we do... but must they all be five feet long? I mean, let's be honest here- who needs 5 feet of cord? Isn't that why there is usually an outlet on every wall in your apartment? So that you won't need all 5 feet of cord? Not to mention the idiots that like to criss-cross their cords clear across the other side of the room. Lazy-asses would rather trip over a million cords than move their appliances. Has no one thought of retractable cords yet?

It's not the stops that I mind. It's the people who don't know how to use them. It's not that hard, people! And then there are always those two people who try to go at the same time, then stop in the middle of the intersection and stare at each other for what seems like an eternity to see which one has the balls to go first because whoever doesn't go first gets to yell at the one who did like the whole mess was their fault. Then the other bastard (who by the way, is just as much to blame as the first) feels all haughty and mightier than thou ... for God's sake, will you all please just read your drivers instruction manuals!

Not being able to spell a word has always pissed me off. I'm not an idiot, but not knowing how to spell certain words makes me feel like one. I think the letters on the page start to laugh at me... oh well.

I get really pissed off if someone is talking to you about something and then forget what they were going to tell you. It's not the forgetfulness that winds me up it is when they say "what was I going to say", how do you know what they were going to say if they have not told you yet.....unless you're psychic of course!

I know guys that take passports with them when they leave Yorkshire... but on a serious note do a bit of research into all the shit thats going on out there. you prob wont know this but western civilisation is a minority. just to put things in perspective yeah, 300 million people died last year because they didnt have enough food. Thats why fat cunts suing McDonalds really piss me off. I'm not trying to preach, I'm not the kind but just look into it some time when you're bored ,not hard to hit Google then search 'world poverty'.

The four lard asses that are suing McDonalds. Yeah, what on earth is that all about? If your telling me that after years of eating at McFatfuks you never really knew why you putting on big mac after bic mac then you're a waste of space and should be sold to the Japanese soap making industry - save a couple of whales

Ironic har? I mean the guys that are miffed 24-7-365, shit job shit life shit girlfriend, get a fukin grip, you were the first sperm out of 100000 worth and look what the fuck you turned into - you should of been shot out into a cleenex my friend!

Yeah right, drop the waste of space in sub-saharan Africa for a month and see how long it takes to shed a few pounds

Why cant she get the fucking point! No one likes her brother no one not even his own friends can stand his shit face ways. "My dad" this, "my sister" that, can't he understand no one gives a flying fuck about his fuckin' life as he's about as clever as a pile of bullshit. I can't name one person who likes this guy, his voice rips through the skin and makes you want to lash out and kill the cunt. She annoys me even more by constantly following us everywhere and even worse bithces about you if you dont come out.

You know what sucks??? Damn laziness. People who only eat, sleep, talk on the phone, watch wrestling, and scratch theirselves all damn day and all the damn time...day after day!!! Why can't these stupid people get a life?!?! Ever heard of a job??? Ever heard of getting out?!?! I hate to talk about my own brother, but all he does is watch wrestling! All damn day!!! And then when you think its over, he play his damn wrestling game! Oh, and then when you think its over...he puts in another damn recorded tape of wrestling!!! It pisses the hell outta me!!! And then I try to sleep at night and he stays in the livingroom watching reruns of this shit all damn night...and then you figure he is out and in hihis sweet little bed and you wake up in the morning and he is still there watching his damn wrestling!!!!!!!!! People like this make me sick...and people like my brother piss me off!!!

Do you know what pisses me of? I guess not. Pubic hair. It's fucking annoying and gets in your mouth, on your toilet, in your kitchen, yes even on your computer!! Perhaps its not pubic hair so much as its abilty to wander! Yes that's it!!

Glasgow Celtic Football Club pisses me off! Fuck them Glasgow Rangers are Number 1.

Something that really pisses me off is girls that forget to tell you they have a boyfriend. You know what i mean. After you get to know them, then they remember and then tell you. I think this is really gay. That is important info. If a girl has a boyfriend she should have a sign around her neck that says "taken"

Why does my dad really feel the need to wear those shorts/sandals/60's shirt? Is it really necessary? And did he really have to turn up at my mates party and wander round in a GROOOOSS green/grey swirly shirt looking for me? Other parents stayed in their cars. I have told him at least a million times " Stay in car, keep head under steering wheel. " But does he? I think not. Also my mum, she said and I quote "Sure, we can go to Alton Towers this summer.Me and your Dad will pay for you." And now it comes to booking what does she say? "Oh, I'm not sure we can afford it now. It is quite expensive." And it wasn't the same price when you agreed? And then she tries to convince me to go with my sister and mates in August. Yeah right! It would be like a tag-along and I would be left alone all weekend. Which brings me to another point, my sisters! It's alright formy big one to borrow my stuff but even touch a top of hers and all hell breaks loose! She always has to have control of the TV. A programme I wanted to watch was on but no she had to watch the Soap awards. The Soap Awards for God's sake!!! The youngers normally alright. Another bloody annoying thing my uncle who a) seems to think I'm 5 b) tries to make me kiss that disgusting woman known as my Nan who constantly wets herself and her whole house stinks of pee c) boasts about anything. So he has more money than us. We have a better house (his is a flat not even a nice one), we're quite obviosuly nicer and we don't have dodgy beards that we think are cool and finally d) when we stay he makes me share a bed with my younger sister who has wet the bed around 6 times while I've been in it. And also my two grandparents. One is completely bloody bonkers! She does reiki (does anyone even know what it is?), collects energy from her food by waving her hands around it and charges up crystals in the moonlight. She also likes opera. The other I have already mentioned so see above but all you really need to know it that she constantly pisses herself. Sorry this is so long but once started I can rant for hours.

I really hate the navy. I fuckin enlisted for 5 years and I would rather be on welfare and working as a damn janitor. I have to wake up and see the same bitchass cunts I saw the day before. I live on a tuna can fucking ship so I live at work. Thats only because they wont pay us enough to get an apartment. If we get kicked out we cant even work at mc donalds and everyday I see why the ragheads fucking hate americans. I live with the shittier side of america. My first job in the navy was taking apart a shitter and hooking up a firehose to it and blowing shit all over the bathroom and all over everything and me too. I was walking in 8 inches of piss water and shit floating around my ankles and I fell down several times. I listen to some fagass motherfuckers they put in charge of me and all they have is some bullshit associates degree in fucking interior decorating. Shit if I would have known thats all I had to have in the navy to be put in charge of everybody else I would have gotten my associates in bean counting or shitkicking or some dumb ass degree like that. I smoke a shitload of weed everyday and still somehow manage to pass my piss tests. Somebody help me see through the shit goggles so I will stop fucking prostitutes in Tijuana every weekend and never knowing if Im gonna come back next week and see cauliflour or herpes all over my dick. I havent gotten an std yet but the only reason why I fuck 12 to 20 prostitutes every weekend is because the women around here all think your a piece of shit just because your in the navy. I agree with them and thats what the navy made me is a fat fat nasty motherfucker, I wanna fuck trailer house hoes and let them piss in my mouth, cause Im a fat fat fat fat nasty motherfucker in the navy and they can eat gonnohrea discharge and fucking inbreed. FUUUUUUUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!! Raaaaaahhhhhhhh shit ass hoe corn between my toes. I done stepped in some shit. You motherfuckers got me started. I better go to sleep now before I fuck some shit up! ahhhhahahhhahah

Yo people that sorry after n e thing they do its so damn annoying, and when they sorry cuz they leaving. Why would I be mad at them when they leave. Fuck that

Star Trek pisses me off, its so fuckin retarded

[In response to my "Cutting the grass" item -- Ian]

LOL, sounds like your a lazy ass, and quite frankly that pisses me off

• Slow people on the street
• People who suddenly decide to stop right in front of you
• People who suddenly turn and walk straight into your path without looking
• How the fuck did that stupid twat get into power???
• People who solve problems with violence cause they are to stupid to do otherwise
• Power hungry morons who cant even control themselves yet feel they should control everone else to make up for this (twats)
• People in power who make decisions about my life when they dont even live in the real world
• People telling me what to do (where do they get off???)
• Marketing people who think they know how to reach me with their stupid fucking adverts
• Statistics
• Probability
• Relationships - (why the fuck is it that when I decide that I cant actually trust a certain girl because of the way that she acts and thus not give a shit whether she sleeps around or not that she decides that she loves me???? stupid bitch what the fuck does she know about love )
• Dont get me wrong I love sex, but is it really necessary to have it shoved in my face all the fucking time??? Why cant these advertising twats try and appeal to my intellect instead of my cock??? If i want porn Ill get it off the web; I'm not gonna buy some shitty mens 'COOL' magazine.( I know what you ladies are thinking, men think with their cocks (yawn yawn))
• Why the fuck dont browser companies work together??? If i had my way i'd force those little fuckers into some kind of standard!
• Closed source software
• Rah rah rah rah rah

It pisses me off, that a militant dutch vegan kills a politician because he considers his politics a threat to environment. He wasn't even elected yet. So killing people is OK as long as we don't eat them, huh?

• Why is it that whenever there is something worth seeing in the sky,eg.5 planets at once,solar eclipse,lunar eclipse, comet, the only thing you can see in wales is a bloody great cloud?
• Why is it that whenever the burnley blues festival is on i'm on nights?
• Why do people who work for Sky T.V. have silly accents and sound sarcastic?
• Why have Manchester United not been prosecuted under the trade discriptions act? Surely it should be Stretford United!
• Why does my mum, a trained nurse, believe that paying £120 for a tub of scented lard will make her wrinkles dissapear?
• Why do men pretend to be feminists when they are chatting you up, don't be so pathetic,stand up for your sex!
• Why do thin women always moan about being fat to fat women?

Shall i shut up? ok.

what is it with Ians',I am married to an Ian who is always pissed off with someone or something.the Halifax building society being his all time favourite.I now have my own bank account instead of a joint account as every time he got pissed off he closed it! Can't you people take up meditation,drugs,masturbation or at least rant and rave about stuff that your missus wont have to sort out later!

I
Am
No bloody good at dealing with stress!

It might sound pathetic, but. I must have heard a 1000 times, that Doctors arn't as clever as Efing Vets. Why? Because the vet can't ask the animal whats wrong with it....................................why do people keep saying this to me. Its been going on for 20 or more years now!!!

What is the fucking point of directional arrows in parking lots? Nobody pays them any attention! Oh, and it's my fault when I almost smash into the tard coming at me head on because they don't know how to follow fucking arrows! What a bunch of parasites.

Drunk sluts who throw themselves at guys that are drunk, when they know u have a girlfriend. they dont do it when u are sober because there slut asses would be regected. then at the end of the night u finally are drunk u fuck them they tell your girlfriend that (isnt there friend anyway that u cheated on them) why dont u tell the truth, u took advantage of a drunk guy,( if did it to a girl its rape) but when it happens to me i am cheater ohh yeah and aol fuck them hard those cock smoking fucks.

Paki's need to remember where they live, you would've thort the fact we all call em paki's woz a give away for the fact they should b in pakistan. Apparently tho paki's should all be living in the UK-well, that's wot they all seem to think NEway. For example if i go in2 London I start to think I've sum how landed in the middle of fuckin Bombay, I really do think the UK is becomin a mini fuckin asia!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why bother doin it?? BARBIE IS A FUCKIN DOLL for christ's sake deal wiv it!!! last time i went to the super market bleach was in the household cleaning section and not the hair dye section!!!!!

What is happening to the huge mushroom at Greenwhich ? It seems to be out of the news lately due to other seemingly other breaking news on the media. Still thousands of pounds being wasted on a daily basis. Who gave permision for it to be built in the first place? As a share holder by paying my measly few pounds each week on the lottery as same as the majority of joe public, I cannot recall being asked by referendam ( sorry spelling ) what the money or project should be about. To have spent all this cash on a couple of hospitals with a cheapish hotel attached for visitors to the inmates would have been a better bet and appreciated by joe. Mr Stephan Byas would have now been in a much better position than he finds himself now, along with his numerous past patrons. How come Camelot is spending 72million on a re-launch, yet again I do not recall being asked!!!! my views or other peoples views. Majority of people I fancy will still keep their original numbers, whether it is called The National Lottery, Lotto, housey housey, bingo what ever.

People who say "wrestling's fake" when they obviously know nothing about it and are just going by sterio-typycally biast views on the particular subject. the dumbest thing they say is "the matches are fixed". - listen here, for a match to be fixed, it would all have to be real in the 1st place, you've just contradicted what u said before. It doesn't take a fucking idiot to realise that pro wrestling is a TV SHOW, - who are you trying to inform when u say "wrestlings fake?" All wrestling fans above the age of 7 are aware of the fact that it's a bloody show. -how dumb do think everyone else is? People who have no idea about pro wrestling and say dumb stuff like "it's a con" are just making themselves look thrice the idiot that they take us for, so get your facts right before you go ad-libbing about something of which you know FUCK ALL about.

Guys talking shit about American people on a FUCKING AMERICAN website. Scroll down and you will see. Asshole!!!!

[I'm not saying I agree with his points, but this is actually a British website -- Ian]

What really absolutely pisses me off more than anything is welfare sluts. I kind of understand that if you get pregnant the first time and have to use different resources other than yourself to help you and the child out. But when these non-working, non-paying tax women, and loose legged bitches start popping out child after child... that pisses me off. Get a fucking job, get an education, pay for your own children and for God's sake keep your legs closed. Jeez!!!!!

Fat cunt Pete Waterman from Pop Idol UK wanking verbally about how "she's got real talent" or "he's crap" etc etc. That fat wanker wouldn't know talent if it came up and bit his fat ass. That man is responsible for so much manufactured shite it is unbelievable. He should be shot into space with the rest of his genre where they can do shit pop arrangements and collectively jerk each other off until they've made so much shite that it creates a black hole and they all get sucked in and are forced to listen to their own shitty pop jingles echo around inside forever. Fuck you fat cunt pop idol judge(s).

What pisses me off the most is when they put the footie, the cricket, the olympics, in fact any kind of lame arse sport on instead of your favourite programme. Not all of us are sport freaks. Why can't they put the sport on at other times of the day when people do not want to watch high rating shows? If I see one more cricket/tennis/rugby etc etc match on in the place of my fave shows I'll pull my bloody hair out!

Maybe we did or didn't make the final shove for victory in WWII. But, We made the shove for your ass, you whipped Brit! We might have done it for political reasons, but at least we did it, or else you would be speaking german, you ungratefull piece of shit

One thing that pisses me off is COLD TOILET SEATS!!! warm them!!!!!

I hate housework, really, really, really hate it. What is the point? You spend a Saturday cleaning, dusting and hoovering - by Monday all the dust and bits of fluff are back!! Why waste your time. What then pisses me off is when people come round and say things like "How can you live like this?". The answer is obviously I've got better things to do thanks - particularly since I work so bloody hard, it means I value my freetime too much to spend it on pointless taks. Having said that I do like things to be tidy. Solution? A cleaner! At least they can justify cleaning because they're being paid £6 an hour to do it. People who's main hobby is cleaning really need psychiatric help. As a tax payer I don't even mind funding this. I can't imagine a more useless waste of time - go outside, get some fresh air, go shopping (for things other than cleaning products), GET A LIFE!!

Alistair McMillan pisses me off. He contradicts himself all the time. He says dont belive everything the media tells you and then says america set up al queda. Al queda already exsisted prior to the US involvment in afghanistan. The only thing we ever did was 10 years ago which was supply the refugees with arms to fight our common enemy russia at the time then the refugees joined the al queda and sold them our stinger missles. 2nd no one cares about ww2 anymore in america, we helped you out when you were loosing and won the war for you we didnt get involved prior because it wasnt our war but when we saw friends in danger we came in and destroyed the nazi party. Now you bitch about us after saving your lives. We should have let your parents die Alistair and then you wouldnt be here to ridicule the people wo saved you.

Like when you go to the liquor store and they ID you even if your 85 because its required. Its a fucking pain in the ass to dig for ID. Or at the theater you have fucking facial hair and they ID you for a R rated movie. If you have hair on your nuts you should be old enough to see any movie.

Like when they say theirs a santa clause. I mean wtf why lie to kids it will make them think its ok. And the fucking bullshit story about the stork and the birds and bees tell then the fucking truth. The pussy the dick and the pregnacy. No lies. They will find out eventually anyway and just be mad at you for lieing.

When the guy at the movie theater asks you for your ticket stub after he had just had it ripped. Then you have to go digging through your pockets just to get into the movie you already payed for.

You ever see those people who you could give a piece of hair and they would be entertained for hours. wtf is wrong with them. Whatever dissability they have i want it. It only pisses me off because it costs hundreds to entertain me for hours and they are entertained off simple free shit.

Shemales piss me off. When your looking at a perfectly hot chick in a porn and then the camera goes down and it has a dick. Who the fuck would want to see a chick with a dick not girls or guys want to see that so why show it.

Gays piss me off. I mean really who wants to stick their dick in another dudes ass. Thats fucking gross why does our government protect fags. Even the bible says its wrong. If someone wants to go dipping in a dudes ass their is something wrong with their brain they need to be put in a mental hospital. Nothing wrong with doin a girl in the ass though.

Like for example if you smoke weed even if your a adult then like everyone and their grandparents thinks that you have a problem and talks shit about you when your not around. Then acts normally around you.