Ian's Pissed Off Page

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Things that piss me off

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Dog Owners

Dog owners always think their dogs are the best and can't do anything wrong. If you meet somebody walking a dog and it growls at you (the dog, not the person) and you jump a bit, then the dog owner says something like "It's OK he won't touch you" and by this time the dog has half bitten your leg off and they say "Oh, he's just playing".

Walking into people

You're walking along the road and you go to walk on the exact same spot as someone else so you both stop in front of each other. Then you both wait for a couple of seconds and then go to move round the other person the same way so walking in front of each other again, this usually continues for a few times and it gets increasingly more embarrassing and bloody annoying until you eventually get past each other. I think the best way to solve this is to just stop and wait for the other person to walk round you, as they eventually will, unless they have also read this.

When I forget what pisses me off

Sometimes something pisses me off and I think "Oh, I'll have to remember to put that on my page". Then when I have time I go to put it on my page but I can't remember what it was that pissed me off and I get really pissed off.

Trick Slabs

It's been raining. You are walking on the pavement being careful to avoid the puddles. You step on a seemingly dry slab and it tips up drenching your foot in water.

Large headphones on personal stereos

I hate people who walk about with those large headphones, which are meant for quality sound systems or something but not for a bloody personal stereo. Why do they do it? It must be awkward carrying about those things. Maybe they do it cos' they think it looks cool, well it doesn't, it just looks extremely silly and shows that they are sad people trying to be cool.

Other people eating Popeye's spinach

It is extremely annoying when other people (e.g. Olive) eat Popeye's spinach and become strong. This should not happen because it is only Popeye (and other members of his family) who are affected by spinach in this way. If it wasn't then there would be no point in having a cartoon about him in particular because he would be no different than anybody else.

The sun and people who sunbathe

Its OK when its not too bright as it lets you see where you are going but when it is really bright its a total bugger. It makes you sweat, burns you and gives you skin cancer. People sunbathe specifically so they can get a tan, do they not realise that getting a tan is natures way of saying that something is wrong. Also when you're trying to watch the telly, the sun shines in the window and spoils the picture.

Running in the rain

Your walking home and it starts raining so you decide to run home so you don't get as wet. But before you get home the rain stops and doesn't come on again so there was absolutely no point in you running (except that it got you home quicker) because you would have got just as wet if you had walked.

Football on TV

I hate it when there's a big football thing on the telly and there are loads of football matches upsetting the regular times of other programmes. It is always my favourite programmes that are cancelled for the football. It is even more annoying when the program is still scheduled to come on but is put on late because of the football going into extra time.

People who push buttons in a lift millions of times

You're waiting for a lift to come along with other people. Some guy goes in in front of you stands next to the buttons and pushes his button. You then push your button and he pushes his again, why??? Does he think your button cancels his out? But even worse the lift stops and somebody else gets out and then he pushes his button again. Does he also think that stopping at a floor cancels his out? Or does he think that pushing his button again closes the door faster? Whatever he thinks it's probably not much. I hate people like that.

People who stand in your way when you just moved for them

I hate it when you're on the train and you squash in to the wall a bit to let somebody else past and they start to go past but stop right in front of you thinking 'Oh there's a space here that I can stand in' and then you can't get back out from squashing into the wall and have to stay like that for the rest of your journey.

People who talk shite

I hate it when somebody is telling me about something which I don't give a shite about and I just sit there going "aye, yeh, uh-huh" and they don't even notice you're not listening to them. This is especially annoying when I am trying to do something else at the time.

People who don't eat burnt crisps

I hate it when people pick burnt crisps out of their packet and just put them aside. What does it matter if they're burnt it's just a bit of extra flavour.

Seven and Nine

I always get the numbers seven and nine mixed up. I don't mean I count like 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 9, 8, 7 but I always forget if there is nine or seven of something. For example there are seven planets and I sometimes th... no there's nine, no seven, bugger it.

People who slag Microsoft

There is nothing different about Microsoft from any other software company other than they are extremely successful. People seem to think it's cool to slag them off, well it's not, it's extremely sad and they only do it because they are so jealous.

My Wee Brother

My wee brother is far too good at computer games. He always gets his name top of the score tables and this really pisses me off because I am not that bad at computer games myself and usually beat other people I know, so whenever I get my name at the top of a score table he just plays the game later on and beats it.

People who enjoy being fat

I hate it when people say that they like being fat. Nobody can like being fat, because it looks stinkin'. They only say they like being fat because they can't be bothered dieting.

Lottery Winners

It really pisses me off when somebody wins a whole lot of money in the lottery and then say "It won't change our lives", well if it won't change your lives then what the fuck is the point in you having it just give it to me and I'll change my life.

Stupid Wee Guys

I hate it when you get wee guys of about seven or eight years old being interviewed on the TV and they say things like "Well I think it's good because it is educational and fun as well". What do wee guys of that age care about learning? It is obvious they are just saying that because that's what they think they should say as that's what they've heard their parents and teachers saying.

Ugly Old Cows

I hate women who say half naked or naked pictures of women are degrading, they are not, they are bloody excellent. The thing is the women who say things like that are ugly old cows and are just jealous because they can't do it.

Door Handles in Public Loos

I hate touching the handles on the doors on my way out of a public toilet because smelly people have been playing with their tadger, not bothering to wash their hands and using the door handle and making it all smelly and stinkin'.

Push doors without a handle

Why do people not put handles on doors that push? It is bloody annoying because you end up pushing the wrong side of the door (because the door is symmetrical without a handle) and looking like a complete arse.

Push doors with a handle

Why do people put handles on doors that push? It is bloody annoying because you end up pulling the door and looking like a complete arse.

Smelly Pepsi

I hate it when you buy a can of Pepsi and the can stinks of seaweed or smelly socks or something so that every time you take a drink you have to put the can up to your face and you get this smell right up your nose and it puts you off drinking the stuff.

Talking in Doorways

People that stand and talk in doorways when there are lots of other people trying to get through the door are either really selfish or really stupid, I think it's the second option because it is mostly women who seem to do this.

Haich

I really hate it when people say 'H' as 'haich' when it's really 'aich'.

Sleeping

What a bloody waste of time.

Installing new stuff in my PC

Installing new stuff in my PC (maybe everybody else's as well) is a complete bastard. It never works first time and takes ages to get it working. Here is an account of what happened on installing my new CD-ROM drive.

  1. Got Creative Labs CD-ROM upgrade kit. Good this should have all the necessary cables, instructions and other stuff that I will need. This will be easy.
  2. Open up my PC, put in CD-ROM drive, connect cables, start my PC, run necessary software. That should be it.
  3. Restart my PC. It doesn't work, not only that but also now my sound card doesn't work either (I plugged the CD-ROM drive in through my sound card).
  4. Muck about a bit try and get it working but to no avail.
  5. I'll try again. Switch on my PC, Windows 95 no longer works for some reason.
  6. I know, I'll re-install Windows 95 so I delete my windows directory, reinstall MSDOS and Windows 3.1 and try to re-install Windows 95 upgrade but the first install disc comes up with an error message about some file being corrupted.
  7. Try running scandisk on the disc and see if it fixes the error, get a message saying "To run scandisk change to Windows 95 directory and type scandisk" but I don't have a bloody Windows 95 directory because I deleted it.
  8. Because I can't run Windows 95 this now means I can't use my D hard drive because I used Windows 95's drivespace on it.
  9. Pull out an axe from below the desk and smash it into my PC about 20 times then throw it out the window before jumping down after it kicking it around the garden then setting it on fire (well that's what I felt like doing anyway).

Saggy Asses

I hate it when men with beer bellies who instead of buying a large enough pair of jeans to fit round their waist they just get a smaller pair and put it underneath their belly. This results in them looking like they have short legs, a huge belly and a saggy ass. These are the people who say "I still have the same waist size I had when I was 14".

Stapler Borrowers

I get really annoyed when people constantly ask for a loan of my stapler. Why can't they buy their own?

Paul Daniels

'Not a lot', well actually he pisses me off a hell of a lot, 'say yes Paul'. Paul Daniels thinks he is a master magician but he can actually only do two tricks in a variety of different ways, show you which card you picked and make Debbie McGee disappear (or appear). That's another thing he thinks he's mad because he's got a sexy wife but she's as thick as two short planks and obviously only married him for his money.

Bloody Old Women Again

Stupid Old Women that carry a bag of breadcrumbs specifically to feed the pigeons really piss me off. They sit on a bench in the middle of the street, throw the breadcrumbs down and they end up with a three metre wide circle of pigeons around them.

Unix and backspace

I hate it when you are using Unix and type a huge long command then type one wrong letter at the end of it, push backspace to delete it and the whole bloody line disappears and you then need to type it all back in again.

Routine

I hate routine. People who schedule their life are extremely sad and would better off just killing themselves right now as they know exactly what they are going to do anyway. Timetables make your life extremely boring, you have been warned.

Songs I Hate

It really annoys me when I get a song that I hate stuck in my head, like when its the last song I heard before switching of the radio, and I end up singing or whistling it for the rest of the day.

Two People Talking

When there are two people talking near me and one looks at me and then whispers to the other one and he laughs it really pisses me off as I think they are laughing at me for some reason.

Ace Ventura Butt Talking

I really loved Ace Ventura but it really annoyed me when he does that butt talking thing because it is just really really stupid. Although you may say that the rest of the film is also stupid...well it is but it's funny kind of stupid whereas the butt talking is stupid eight-year-old kid would find this funny stupid.

Foreign Languages

I hate it when there are foreign people standing near me (e.g. in the train) and they are talking to each other in their stupid foreign language so I can't understand a word they are saying. Why can't they just use English like everybody else?

Coloured Background and Writing on the Web

It is bloody annoying when people make WWW pages with a dark coloured background and dark coloured writing so that when you try to look at them on a black and white or greyscale monitor you can't read the bloody words.

Cilla Black

In Blind Date she always sooks up to the girls and slags off the men. When talking to them after their holiday she'll say things like "Ohh Gavin, How could you say that?" and it really pisses me off.

People who like Space Precinct

Space Precinct is so crap. People actually believe it is better acted, more realistic and has better storylines than Star Trek: The Next Generation, I mean c'mon wake up you stupid twats.

Buses

If you don't know what bus goes where then you need to know someone that does or else look at a rubbish timetable for hours trying to work it out yourself. Then you end up getting on at the wrong side of the road, because you do not know what direction the place you are going to is in, and you end up in the totally wrong place.

Ticket Collectors on Trains

It really pisses me off when the ticket collector comes round in the train and I don't have my ticket ready so he has to wait until I get it out and then goes away before I even have it out my pocket properly.

Teenage Girls

They always giggle at everything and anything even things that are not funny (Maybe it's them in the audience at the shows that have the presenters mentioned below). They also always go to the toilet together like they can't do it themselves or something.

Vegetarians

Well I suppose they are right in a way but meat tastes great. Vegetarians who still eat fish are a bit stupid though.

People who don't have sex because of religon

Why do people believe they shouldn't have sex, I mean if there is one thing we're supposed to do its have sex.

TV Presenters who think they're funny but aren't

TV Presenters like Dennis Norden, Bruce Forsyth and Matthew Kelly always crack really crappy jokes and everybody in the audience laughs...WHY? Dennis Norden is especially annoying as half the time his jokes don't even make sense.

Segmentation Faults

It really pisses me off when I write a program in C, compile it, fix all the bugs then try to run it and it just says Segmentation Fault and doesn't even give a clue to what might be wrong so I have to check through the whole program to find it.

Wee guys that think they're hard

I hate wee guy's who swear at you in the street and think they're hard. They're not hard they're just stupid wee prats who don't have a clue about anything.

Old Women

I really hate it when I am rushing to catch a train and there is an old woman who standing right in front of me in the middle of the stairs so I can't even get past. It really makes me want to kick them down the stairs. Also they always say that there is too much sex on the TV when in reality there is not enough.

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by Ian Dunn - Last updated Monday 08 March 2004 22:03